halomachinimafandomcom-20200223-history
Phil
"Meet Phil, a newcomer to the Halo 3 online community who tries to do nothing more than merely enjoy this wonderful game." Phil is a Halo 3 Machinima created by the duo at Black Light Productions. The series is an action/comedy which outlines the Xbox Live experiences of fictional friends Phil, Zack, and Wally. Most of the humor is online gaming, internet, or Halo based; however, there is a fair amount of random comedy and comedic sequences. Phil's episodes are divided into separate "Days," with each "Day" generally consisting of the events that occur within a single game. Plot Phil follows the adventures of Phil, Zack, and Wally, three unskilled players in Halo 3 (although Phil later on gains some degree of skill), as they train and prepare for a fictional tournament in order to beat ex-clan leader Chad. Along the way, the trio encounter various friends and foes, as well as crazy situations in the games they play. Season 1 Day One: "Newcomer" Phil, a brand new Halo 3 player, spawns in a Lone Wolves match on the map Snowbound. He immediately spots another player in steel-colored Hayabusa armor with a Spartan Laser, and attempts to shoot and kill the player, believing he will become his first kill ever. Suddenly the music abruptly stops and the Hayabusa player starts yelling at him. Phil, obviously puzzled, asks why he must stop shooting, as that is clearly the point of the match. The Hayabusa player responds by pointing out that on this particular map nobody kills each other, and fed up, summons another player named Wally to explain the situation. Wally (who is wearing white/black CQB armor permutation), is warm and receptive of Phil, explaining that the map they are currently playing on is one of the few Lone Wolves maps that contain the Spartan Laser; and thus one of a few places where they are able to unlock the difficult "Two For One" achievement. Wally and the Hayabusa player also tell Phil that completing all achievements unlocks the Katana body piece, which they believe grants a player god-like abilities and instant celebrity status online. The Hayabusa player explains that his and Wally's old clan leader sacrificed everything he had in an attempt to obtain the Katana, to which Phil points out that the notion is a foolish one. When asked where the leader is presently, the two other players inform Phil that he has ditched their clan for a higher-skilled one, composed of Generals. The Hayabusa player then cuts the conversation short (as the game is about to end), telling Phil that he will send him a friend request and "explain everything later." He commands Phil to stand in front of Wally, in a last-minute attempt to shoot both with a single laser blast, thus unlocking his "Two for One" achievement. However, he somehow manages to miss just as the game ends. Day Two: "Magic Mike" Phil, Wally, and the Hayabusa player (now introduced as Zack) spawn in a game of "Swords" on the map Construct. Zack and Wally explain that they will be able to unlock the "Steppin' Razor" achievement by scoring a Triple Kill with the Energy Sword. However, in order to accomplish this, they must seek the help of a fourth person. Phil spots a red player with Mark 5 on the horizon, and the trio ask him to help with their attempt. The red spartan then introduces himself as Magic Mike, who turns out to be a young, immature, wannabe gangster. Zack and Wally explain to Phil that people like Magic Mike on Xbox Live are generally annoying and untrustworthy, being a young child. However Phil wishes to give him a chance regardless, which the group reluctantly agrees to. In their first attempt however, Magic jumps the gun and is the first player to go, scoring the required Triple Kill before anyone is ready. After respawning, Zack confronts him angrily, to which Wally and Phil persuade him to attempt the achievement again. Zack agrees, and manages to kill Wally and Phil, but just as he is about to kill Magic Mike and score, he is betrayed by Mike again and killed himself. The group then realize Magic Mike cannot be trusted, and confront Mike about his irritating behavior, to which Magic Mike responds by killing them with a plasma grenade. It is with the next respawn that the group resolve to kill Magic Mike for his annoyances, and after a "Yo Mama" insult match, they pit themselves against Mike. A brief action sequence ensues, in which Zack, Wally, and Phil all manage to fail in their attempts to kill Magic Mike. Zack then accidentally kills Wally by throwing a Power Drain/Grenade combo in the main elevator. Mike then appears behind Zack and kills him, just as the game ends. He is then seen wildly celebrating his victory at the end, while Phil, Zack, and Wally watch from above. Phil suggests they never mention this encounter as long as they live, and Zack vows to destroy Magic Mike if they were to ever meet again. Day Three: "Clan Macho" The trio find themselves playing a game of "Juggernaut" on the map Foundry. Spotting the current Juggernaut, Phil inquires as to the rules of this particular game type, to which Wally explains that everyone is on a team against the Juggernaut player. The trio then rush this player, only to be stopped, confused by his laughter. The other player then declares, in true internet meme fashion, "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" before being killed by Zack. Zack then declares the same, only to be in turn killed by Wally, who declares the meme, albeit in a slightly more wordy and sophisticated manner. Phil then kills Wally, and says the statement incorrectly. Zack runs up and tells Phil that he said the meme incorrectly, to which Phil contests that it doesn't matter if you say it or not. However, Zack and Wally chastise him for this statement, and declare the match cannot continue until Phil says the statement correctly, to which two random onlookers agree. However, before Phil has a chance to respond, he is mysteriously killed. Zack tries to figure out who the next juggernaut will be, but none of the currently present players admit to killing Phil. Just then, a large explosion occurs on the other side of the map, and another random player is killed. All the players turn to look, and a dramatic introduction shows a player with the Katana body piece proclaiming the statement, in a deep, menacing voice. Zack initially mistakes this player for the "real Juggernaut," but quickly figures out it is a facade by a person named Chad, an egotistical jackass who knows Zack and Wally somehow. Chad berates the two of them, until Phil shows up and inquires as to who this new player is. It is then revealed that Chad used to be the clan leader (referred to in Day One) before deserting Zack and Wally for more skilled players. After a brief exchange of mocking and threats, Chad declares that he and his clan, "Clan Macho," will be competing as the top contenders in a (fictional) tournament called the UXLT. Zack and Wally are shocked, and explain to a confused Phil that the UXLT is a very prestigious event, with very big names, rewards, and bragging rights. Phil, fed up with an arrogant Chad, tells Chad that himself, Zack, and Wally will enter this tournament and defeat him. Chad laughs this off, and offers Phil a bet. He states that whichever clan loses to the other in this tournament will be forced to cancel their Xbox Live subscriptions. An aggravated Phil accepts this challenge, much to Zack and Wally's dismay. Chad quits the game with his clan in order to play Team Swat, and Phil learns from Zack and Wally that this tournament is in exactly one week, and they must have a team of 4 in order to compete. Phil shrugs this away, stating with optimism that despite the current situation being as bad as it is, things will look brighter the next day. Day Four: "Team Effort" Zack, Wally, Phil, and two unnamed characters make up the Blue team in a "Capture the Flag" match on the map Standoff. Zack assumes the position of team leader, and starts barking out orders, but is stopped when he realizes the two unknown characters are not paying attention. One of them snaps to life, and immediately it is clear he is not the brightest crayon in the box. He then calls his roommate, Jake and both of them start to get hyped up about the match, revealing their frat-boy/stoner like behavior. Wally inquires if they are feeling okay, to which they proclaim they are both hung over (despite it being 5 PM on a Wednesday). The game starts, and they rush off on the Blue team's warthog, completely ignoring the plan. Zack, Phil, and Wally then come up with a new strategy, in which Phil will attempt to take the Red team flag by himself, backed up by Zack and Wally on a Mongoose. Phil manages to steal the Red flag, but halts as he exits the base, as four members of the Red team are waiting for him there. Pat and Jake arrive on the Warthog, seemingly to the rescue of Phil, but soon drive off without harming anyone, and Phil is chased back into Red base, where Zack and Wally are waiting in the room. Trapped and under heavy fire, Wally suggests they make a final stand here, but Zack discourages this, revealing he has the rocket launcher, and kills all of Red team with a single rocket. The trio then run across open ground back to Blue base with the flag, and just as they arrive, Red team respawns and starts to chase them. Wally tells Phil that he and Zack will hold them off as Phil captures the flag, but is immediately betrayed by Pat and Jake on the Warthog. Phil is then gunned down by Red team, who almost return the flag before they are killed by Pat and Jake. Jake then takes the Red flag into Blue base and captures it, celebrating a victory with Pat by headbutting each other as the game ends. Day Five: "Wally's Girlfriend" Day Five starts with a simple game of "Slayer" on the map High Ground. The trio are discussing the need for a fourth clan member, when Wally pipes up with a potential solution. He reveals how his girlfriend has been training offline, and wishes to now play with the guys. Phil is all for the idea, but Zack, who seems to have met Wally's girlfriend Sarah prior, is highly against the idea. Nonetheless, Sarah enters the game and arrives with a shrill yell. She is quickly presented as abrasive, overbearing, and bitchy, and it is clear who wears the pants in the relationship. Phil and Zack back off as she enters into an argument with Wally. Fortunately, for the time being, she is called by one of her girlfriends, and Phil and Zack, now perched high above the ground on a platform, summon Wally up to them. There, they confront him about his girlfriend, demanding he break up with her immediately. Wally breaks down and reveals how he is scared of her, and they resolve to help him break up with her right then and there, supporting him. Sarah returns, and Wally, standing far away on top of the platform, is unable to bring himself to say the words. Zack intervenes, and tells her Wally is dumping her. Sarah cannot take this news, and starts going crazy, grabbing the rocket launcher and running after them. Phil suggests, while under heavy rocket fire, that they quit the game, to which Wally replies they cannot lose EXP points, no matter what. Sarah attacks them, and they are forced to flee, jumping up onto another platform. Unfortunately, Zack cannot make the jump and cries for help. Phil hears him, and is about to go back when Wally persuades him to leave Zack, who dies a presumptuously horrible torturous death. Seconds later, however, Zack respawns and sarcastically chides them. A haunting laugh shows the audience that Sarah has arrived, effectively cornering the trio. Just as it looks like all hope is lost, the game ends and Sarah cannot exact her revenge on Wally. Swearing to return and make Wally suffer, she quits with a loud explosion and Zack, Wally and Phil are left standing there relieved. Day Six: "Sexism" The episode starts off with Phil, Wally, and Zack discussing the pros and cons of the map Isolation and the rules of the game they are about to play (Team Doubles). Zack and Wally are on the orange team, both the red team (a selfish, aggressive team) and the green team (a very hippie, peaceful team) are shown, then it is revealed that Phil is teamed with a player named KillerLily17. After laughing at this name, Wally discovers however, that this player has never lost a game. (Even admitting her kill/death ratio is over 9000!, an obvious DBZ reference) The player then walks up, revealing herself to be a female, and an apparently talented one at Halo. Zack and Wally both end up throwing pickup lines at her, only to be killed by her, and respawn in the tunnels below, much to Wally's dismay. Phil is then attacked by Red and Green teams, both of which are dispatched by Lily. He then, surprised at her skill, asks her where she learned how to perform like that, and if she would teach him some. She abides, and it is assumed Phil learns some skill. Down below, in the tunnels, Red and Green teams are fighting when Zack interrupts, saying that they need to band together as men and cannot allow a girl to beat them at Halo. Wally objects to this, and is shunned and deserted in the caves as a result. Zack, along with Red and Green team, confront Lily and Phil. Lily comments she could kill them easily, but entrusts Phil to use his new skills to kill them. Phil then steps forward and manages to kill both Red and Green team, but is held at gunpoint by Zack. Zack then comments he wants to ask out Lily, and is promptly sniped in the head by her. Phil thanks Lily, and asks her if she wants to join their team for the UXLT, to which she replies that she already has entered with another team, and leaves the game. Zack runs up and asks Phil for her phone number, who then realizes that Wally is missing. Day Seven: "Deja Vu" Day 7 begins with Phil, Zack and Wally playing a game of slayer, all three of them running to get the rocket launcher in the middle of the map. However, once they arrive, they are greeted by none other than Magic Mike, who begins to belittle and mock them. As Magic Mike is about to kill the trio, they are saved by a player named Gregor Dominski. When struck in a conversation with Gregor, they realize that he only speaks in lines of famous Shakespearean works. Annoyed with him, the trio insult him until Dominski commits 'suicide.' Deciding to continue the match, Phil unexpectedly meets both Gregor and Magic Mike, who have now teamed up with one another to take them all down. All three of them proceed to get stomped during the match, with the exception of Phil who lasts the longest. In the end, Gregor ends up getting betrayed by Mike, who laughs and tells him that Magic only works alone. The three main characters watch this from the sidelines, depressed by their loss for the second time. Day Eight: "Ghostbusters" Zack and Wally are confronting Phil, because he does not know about the "ghost" of Blackout, who could act like a real player, but did not show up on the registory, this happened on the Halo 2 map, Lockout, and so some people are skeptical of remaking the map in Halo 3. After a strange flash-back from Wally, which Zack says is "the wrong one", (consisting of Zack aand Wally singing a re-made Disney song fit for Halo) they decide they will "camp the night" to see if the ghost shows up, even though Phil points out it is always night on this map. Another player then confronts them to see if they are camping, because he hates campers and he kills them. Phil tells him how your supposed to kill everyone in this FPS, but Zack then points out how he sucked on Day 7 but supposedly learned skills from Lilly. After a weak excuse to fill in the plothole, the story then cuts before this conversation and the story continues. The annoying player continues to threaten them for camping, but Phil kills him. After a short conversation, a ghost, as in the vehicle, shows up saying "UUUUUU I AM THE GHOST OF BLACKOUT....WHO DARES DISTURB MY GAME?". Wally, Phil, and Zack all scream until Zack and Phil declares that the "Ghost" being an actually, vehicular ghost is "the worst pun ever", though Wally finds it "quite funny". The ghost then gets a much weaker, small voice, saying that Zack and Phil are mean. Phil feels bad and asks for the driver of the ghosts name, he declares his name is Jasper. (As in Casper) Zack and Phil groan how ridiculous this is getting, but Wally says "Jasper, the friendly ghost! I get it! HA HA HA." Jasper tells him how ridiculous it was to believe there was a real ghost, and that he actually is a hacker. The gang is then confronted by the annoying camper-hating player and his friends, but Jasper's voice deepens and he says he's got it. He then goes up on a high point and declares he is the ghost of Blackout. The camper-hating players the quit because they are scared. The gang thanks Jasper and ask him if they want to be on there team for the upcoming tornament, he agrees but warns them he's a Quaker and can't hurt anyone, however Zack talks over him and doesn't know that Jasper not being able to kill will be a problem. Day Nine "Morals" Day Nine starts off with a game of VIP on Valhalla, with a red VIP, a Sniper, an Energy Swordsman and a person with a gravity hammer inside the base. After a grenade blows up the defensive wall of blocks, Phil (as VIP) Zack, Wally and Jasper appear, thus making the red team escape. After numerous offers to stay alive, the red team VIP seems doomed until Jasper tells them he is a Quaker, as he did last time. but actually listening this time, they tell him unless they help them, Jasper is out of the clan. After someone else on blue kills the VIP, the rest of blue team appears, while Wally exclaims he sees the enemy VIP. After he claims he isn't the VIP, the entire blue team (excluding Phil) chase him. Jasper reappears saying he can help, but runs away. A second later, he spawns a Scorpion whilst Phil is under fire. He then kills the remainer of red team on their side of the map. After redeeming himself, Jasper is confirmed to be in the UXLT as he is a valuable asset. Zack then says the UXLT is tomorrow, and breaks the 4th wall by saying it would be released (the episode) in 6 months, since many Phil fans were annoyed it took so long to make day 8. Then he reveals it would be released in June. Day Ten "First Round" The episode starts off with 3 Spartans Chasing another spartan saying its madness, the Rouge spartan then beats down the Enemy spartan making him fall down, Then the theme song starts with players all around High Ground, a News Reporter introdouces himself and the UXLT Game. Phil says the place is good and wonders how they got on the Tournment. Chad shows off to Phil's Clan. The Team that Phil's clan is Agianst is Called Clan Cacth Them All!(Pokémon Refference) The Leader introdouces himself saying his going to win, Jerry picks Roger and Zack picks Phil, the Commentator introdouces the Challangers, Roger swicthes to Rocket Launcher, Phil Dodges the shot screaming, Roger Tries throwing a Frag Grenade at Phil, Jasper Spawns a bubble Shield, Roger Gets in the bubble shield with Enegry Sword and Blows the bubble shield down, Jasper Spawns a Regenerator, Roger uses his Flame attack (Flamethrower) and is burning Phil, he is picking up Fuel Rod Gun, he shooting Roger, he Swicthes to Spartan Lazer to finish Phil off but quickly Jasper gives him Overshield, then Hammer is dropped and killed Roger. Day Eleven "Second Round" In Rats Nest the Clans are in thier positions, The Opponets walk through a door. The Game starts as both teams running in a line, when it was time to fight a Spartan Abandoned his team, Wally and and Orange Scout are shooting Each Other, Gravity Hammer is dropped Wally picks it and kills the Opponet, Zack tells Wally to wacth out by an Elite throwing a Grenade at him so Wally Ends up dead. Zack and the Elite are fighting, Rocket is dropped and the Elite is Killed. Phil Headshots the leader which was a No Scope, the leader was singing and headshoted again. Zack dosen't know why the game has ended, the last player shoots Zack, He Gets Phil's name wrong, Him and Phil are seen Meleing each other, A Warthong is Driving its self and Phil beats him down and the Warthog Splaters Him Ending The Game. Day Twelve "Semi Finals The Music Starts in Standoff, Zack talks about thier progress, the opponets are Clanet Tagenuss, the team are Shocked that Clant Tagenuss are the Oppenets they hate Days Ago, they heard that they formed a team so they Joined together to defeat them, Zack hates how they put this song every match. Sarah Chases Wally while he screams, Pat(Or Jake) Get in the Warthog, with Gregor, they Crash into a Wall. Magic Mike is against Zack, then is fighting with each other. Wally is Hiding in the Base and sees 2 Spartans Blocking it, and are killed by Sarah so Wally Backs off, Zack and Magic Mike are still fighting, Sarah Chases Wally On a Mongoose, Wally has no where to run So Sarah is about to kill him, but when the Warthog Comes he jumps into it. Zack is still Fighting tMagic mike then gives up shooting. Sarah is Chasing the Warthog, then the Warthog Crashes to the Wall, Wally Leaves warthog to find somewhere to hide, Sniper Rifle is Droped and Zack kills Magic Mike. Wally is Nearly at the Edge, Sarah Tries to kill him but is killed by SMG. The Last 2 just fall over the Edge Ending the game. Now there facing Clan Macho. Day Thirteen "Championship I" Day Thrirteen "Championship II" Characters Main Characters Phil Phil is the titular character, full name Phillip Bartholomew Johnson, and the series protagonist (although his airtime is equal to that of characters Zack and Wally). Phil is a newcomer to Halo 3, and holds an innocent, optimistic, and sometimes naive view of meeting new people and performing new tasks in this game. Throughout the first season, Phil slowly learns the ins and outs of this game, and seems to lose some of his initial innocence in favor of a more realistic approach. Phil is also seen as brave and passionate in matters he cares about, often speaking up when he feels someone is being wronged or something is unjust. Despite this courage, he is not always persuaded to follow through on it, as evident when leaving Zack to his seemingly torturous death at the hands of Sarah. Phil wears the default Mark VI armor, head, and shoulders, with blue as the primary and secondary color. His emblem is the smiley face, with steel primary and gold secondary color. Zack He is hypocritical, impatient, harsh, rude, and has a tendency to curse and insult others, in contrast with his best friend, Wally. Often he is the source of new and creative insults, for friends and foes alike. Zack believes himself to be the leader of the trio, despite his selfish personality which generally tends toward failure. His fondness for internet culture leads to very misinformed ideas and rather idiotic notions of how Halo 3 should be played, such as his belief that possessing the Katana grants a player god-like abilities. He is a hypocrite, and often is the joke of the series due to his terrible skill at Halo 3 (but still professing other players to be "Noobs"). Another example is in Day Six, despite the fact that Phil eliminated everybody in Zack's group (who are hellbent on killing KillerLily17) except for Zack. He claims that Phil just got a lucky shot and calls him a noob. In Day Eight, Zack is counter-insulted by Phil, who comments on the quirkiness of Zack's voice, saying that it sounds like a Simpsons character. Zack wears Hayabusa armor, head, and shoulders, with steel as the primary and secondary color. His emblem is the "Valkyrie" symbol, with white primary and secondary color. Wally Wally is the deep voiced member of the trio, and is seen as informed, mild-mannered, cautious, helpful, and cowardly. Wally speaks in a low, slower tone of voice, and often uses large words arranged in respectful manner. However, this is often a source of comedy; when he attempts to use common language or slang references and ends up butchering the reference used. Despite his wise attitude, he, like Zack, often holds untrue or exaggerated beliefs, but also at the same time, plays foil to Zack's impatience, with his laid-back approach to Halo. He is also seen as cowardly, either screaming or crying in intense situations, such as when he must break up with his demanding girlfriend Sarah. Wally wears the CQB head, body, and shoulder armor, with white primary and steel secondary color. His emblem is also the "Valkyrie," with white as both the primary and secondary color. Major Characters Chad Chad is the arrogant, pompous, skilled ex-leader of Zack and Wally's clan, who sacrificed everything in his real life for the Katana body piece, before promptly ditching Zack and Wally for a better clan (Clan Macho) composed of Ranked Generals. He is presented as the major antagonist for the series, more so to Phil than the other characters. With his big ego, as well as being top seed in a major tournament, it is implied that Chad does possess some degree of skill, and will no doubt be a tough opponent for the heroes. Chad wears the Rogue helmet, Security shoulder, and Katana armor pieces. His primary/secondary color is sage. His emblem is a jolly roger with white as the primary and secondary color. Magic Mike Magic Mike is the annoying, whiny, cocky wannabe gangster that Phil and friends met on Day 2. Magic is very much not to be trusted, by his constant betrayal of the teams plans to get the Steppin' Razor achievement. He is most noted for his high-pitched annoying voice, shrill laughter, and insults, generally about the victims mother. Despite all these character traits, he seems to possess some degree of skill in Halo, or at least enough to dispatch of Phil, Zack and Wally. He wears default Mark VI shoulders and chest, with a Mark V helmet. His primary and secondary colors are red, and his emblem is a white Skull King. Jake and Pat Jake and Pat are the two stoner/drunk college frat boys met on Day 4. When first met, it is apparent these guys are often distracted by women and alcohol, and while seemingly possess some kind of skill,though they're probably so drunk that they can't even remember anything about that day, are uncontrollable and often just scream drinking chants or other nonsense while driving about aimlessly. They do not initially come off as hostile, rather drunk, stoned, and not wishing to listen to anything or anyone. Their armor is Scout Helmet with normal Mark VI shoulder/chest, with primary/secondary colors unknown. Their emblems are Pat-6 and Jake-9 (69), white with Red. Sarah Sarah is the ex-girlfriend (as of Day 5) of Wally, is much more dominant than him, and has a SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP anger management problem. She obviously wears the pants in the relationship, and is annoying and harsh to listen to. Her cruel and demanding personality is what persuades Zack and Phil to get Wally to break up with her, causing her to go insane with rage. And the end of Day 5 though, she is unable to kill Wally and vows to get revenge on him in the future. Lily Lily (or KillerLily17) is the very talented and skilled halo 3 player that teamed up with Phil on Day 6 in a Team Doubles match. Apparently, she has never lost a game and has a Kill/death ratio of over 9000. (A DBZ reference) This seemingly is proven after she takes out 6 enemies in a span of seconds, leaving a dumbfounded Phil. Her personality is strong-willed, confident, and a little bit cocky of her skill in Halo. She becomes Phil's teacher of sorts, and teaches him a few tips about playing multiplayer. Also, she says she is entered in the UXLT, but with a different team.likely Clan Macho because they only have 3 people.{Chad,Tyra Banks boy,and that other lame asshole} Jasper Jasper is hacker who teams up with Phil, Wally and Zack for the UXLT in Day Eight. He hacks Blackout to scare people into thinking that he is a ghost in the level. After discovering the Jasper isn't a ghost and making fun of his name, Jasper saves them from four Halo 3 players trying to kill them for camping on Blackout. Zack hopes Jasper can use his hacking skills to defeat Chad at the UXLT. Even though Phil says that's cheating,fucking noob, but Jasper decides to help as long as no real killing takes place since he is a quaker. Jasper doesn't have any skill because he doesn't want to kill anybody because of his religion which nearly got him thrown out of the team in Day 9. Jasper wears Purple ODST (Blue in Day 10) armor with a Yin/Yang emblem. Gregor Dominski You're probably thinking who the fuck is this guy is, he appeared in episode 7. He speaks solely in Shakespearean vernacular and is a Shakespearean extraordinaire. He teams up with Magic Mike after the trio hurt his feelings, but at the end of the episode he ended up being used and betrayed by Mike. Transcript Episode 1 Phil: Hi. My name is Philip Bartholomew Johnson. But you can call me Phil. (Music starts up, title is shown, Phil spawns in Snowbound base) Ah my first kill. Aaahhh! Zack: Dude, Dude, what the fuck are you doing man? Phil: Ah what? (Confused) Zack: What the fuck are you shooting me for dipshit? Phil: Um, this is slayer. I thought that was the point of the game. Zack: Well you thought wrong faggot. Nobody plays slayer on this map. That's stupid. Phil: Sorry, I don't understand. Zack: Ah fuck it. I can't deal with this right now. Hey Wally. Come talk to this bag of tits for me and explain to him what we're doing here exactly. Wally: Hello. It's good to meet you stranger. Newcomers are always welcome on the online world of Halo 3 multiplayer. Phil: Thanks man. Nice to meet you too. Zack: Wally, please tell this dick-peddler what we're doing here exactly. Wally: Ah yes, you see young one, this here map is Snowbound, one of the few Lone Wolves maps that contains a Spartan Laser. Phil: Yeah, so I really don't understand. Wally: This map is one place where we are able to accomplish a very difficult achievement. A double kill with one blast from a spartan laser. Zack: Duh! Phil: Achievement? Zack: You're kidding right? Wally: Seriously, you do not know? Phil: Sorry, I just picked up the game today so... Wally: (Sighs) Ok. Well, for each game on Xbox 360, there are specific accomplishments to be earned while performing difficult in-game maneuvers. It just so happens that some of these achievements for Halo 3 have to be done while playing in an online ranked free-for all match. Phil: OK, So what's the point in all of this? What do you get out of doing the achievements? Zack and Wally: (Gasp) Zack: Only the godliest and most ultimate kick-ass virtual item that every video game nerd withstand dreams about. Wally: The katana body-piece. Zack: Dude, I saw this guy in social big team. He had on the piece. My god, like a fucking train-wreck man. He was unstoppable. T-bagging players left and right. All with the mighty katana was perched on his back. Like a beacon from which his neatness shown bright as the stars. Aw! Wally: Our old clan leader didn't sleep or eat for two weeks as he attempted to accomplish the unimaginable. Zack: But he lost his job, his girlfriend, his house, his clothes, his arms. Phil: His arms? Are you serious? Zack: Yeah. Rumor has it, he had to finish with his genitals. Had to teach his balls how to pull the left and right trigger. Phil: Ew. That's disgusting. Zack: Whatever. The point is, he nearly sacrificed himself to get all of these achievements. Wally: But he did it. He finally did it. Oh the majestic katana, what a glorious sight to behold. Phil: Wait, so he sacrificed everything in his real life in order to get some achievement in a fake one where nobody gives a shit? Zack: You don't sound very appreciative of his efforts man. Phil: Well if he spent so much damn time unlocking the thing, where is he now? Wally: He has.. moved on. Zack: He's in a better place now. Phil: Oh my god I'm so sorry. I didn't know, I mean, I'm sorry. Zack: What the fuck are you babbling about man? He just ditched our clan for a better one, that's all. Wally: Rumor has it he's playing with generals now. REAL Generals. Phil: General? Zack: Look we don't have much time before this match ends OK? Here I will send you a friend request, and we'll explain everything later. As for now go stand over there right in front of Wally. Phil: OK. Like this? Zack: Perfect! (Shoots laser, game ends) God damn it! Fuck! (Video ends) Links Black Light Production's website: [http://blacklightproductions.blogspot.com/ Black Light Production's YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/blackliteproductions Category:Black Light Productions